It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
