I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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