Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
