Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
