she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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