I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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