There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
