I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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