if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
