That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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