Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Mom said you looked used
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize