Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize