haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
