she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
