the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
