oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
