her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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