opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
