Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
