I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
