Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
