explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
