He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
