you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
