i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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