where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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