so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
