I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
