made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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