I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
