Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
