i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
