only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize