What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
