Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
