if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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