Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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