No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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