I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
