We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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