i just wanna soil my oats bro
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my shit smells like andre
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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