I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
