My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
