you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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