It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
