maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
