We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
