Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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