he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
