I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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