Cold hands, warm shart.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize