2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
