I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
