I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
