Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
