I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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