we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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