i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize