So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
