he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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