I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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