And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There r osticjed everywhere
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
