Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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