i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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