for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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