a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
